Tag Archives for " Brene Brown "

2018 Mixtape – the year in review

2018 Mixtape.

The year in reflection and review

2018 was a year of contrasts. Swinging from highs to lows and everywhere in between. A year of re-evaluation, consideration and picking up the pieces from the aftermath of 2017. 2018 was a year of steep learning curves, learning (but not always mastering) the art of surrendering and embracing the practice of being gentle. In all its forms.

As the year evolved, many skins were shed, ideas considered and reincarnations attempted. A year for learning and remembering. Now, today, my birthday, I’m reflecting on the past twelve months, how far I’ve come and what the year (and Ganesha) have presented on the obstacle course of life. And it looks somewhat like this…

Braving the Wilderness, Dr Brené Brown

  • Books that blew me away: Braving the wilderness, I literally felt like I was reading about myself, and realised I was not alone in feeling the way I do. Revelatory.

Another book that made me sit up was Arianna Huffington’s Thrive. Redefining the idea of success and addressing the need to change our perceptions of what we actually need to focus on in 2018.

Our relentless pursuit of the two traditional metrics of success – money and power – has led to an epidemic of burnout and stress-related illnesses. An erosion in the quality of our relationships, family life, and, ironically, our careers. In being connected to the world 24/7, we’re losing our connection to what truly matters.

Sarah Blasko, Depth of Field, 2018

  • What’s on repeat: Sarah Blasko‘s new album Depth of Field. It makes me want to dance, every time. I saw her in Hobart, Tasmania and she was all of her amazingness on stage. It was a sight to behold her singing and dancing her heart out, and the crowd along with her.
  • Hanging out with a blanket on the couch with Harvey from Suits, his confidence, and the journey of self -realisation towards acceptance was a familiar one. That, along with his outrageous one-liners, and overall deliciousness.

 

 

On the subject of travel

  • Following the advice of the Dalai Lama. 

2018 saw me adventuring to a few destinations that were completely new to me. As the new year dawned I hopped over to New Zealand for a month of adventures. An epic road trip around the south island, exploring the wild west coast (my absolute favourite).

I soaked in an onsen on the Shotover river (beyond amazing). Camped under the stars. Watched the cosmos from my sleeping bag. Woke up at dawn to listen to the cracking and shifting of the glacier on Mt Cook whilst watching the morning sun creep over the mountains.

Uluru, Central Australia

Midway through 2018 saw me do something I didn’t think would happen. An epic road trip from Adelaide to Alice Springs via the Oodnadatta track and Uluru. This trip changed me. Things inside shifted, changed, broke open, healed. Uluru is considered to the spiritual heart of Australia, and if it’s not on your list.

Add. It. Now. Run, don’t walk.

  • Discovered the amazingness of…living in my home country after many years of not wanting to live or be here. I have been rejoicing the loveliness in being able to speak my local lingo. Meeting people organically as well as through the maze of networks and our hyperlinked world. Feeling grateful for my home country that has so much to offer, and so many good people.
  • Rediscovered the salty goodness of margaritas. Need I say more…
  • I have been inspired by the photos of Australian photographer, Kara Rosenlund. She made me fall in love with the Australian landscape all over again. Motivated me to pick up my camera (again) and get out into the wilderness to take photos, recharge my batteries and reconnect with one of my first passions. Taking photos.

On the topic of gratitude

  • Felt repeatedly grateful for the love and support of my friends, from all the corners of the world. There were moments I felt completely alone, and then suddenly someone would pop up and give me a virtual or physical reminder of how much they love, miss and think of me.
  • Learnt the lesson that losing people from your life, isn’t always a loss, but more of a liberation. A tough one and it caused many sleepless nights. Angry conversations. Copious amounts of tears. A vicious circle of questions. But finally and slowly resulting in exhausted surrender (which I still sometimes forget, and leap back on the roundabout before remembering and leaping straight the f*ck off). 2018 has been a tough one for the repetition of this lesson.

On what turned out to be our last holiday together, September 2016.

  • All of this has been happening whilst riding the waves of grief. In 2017 I lost my father after a very brief fight with a late diagnosed cancer, at stage 4, to be precise. In 2018 I’ve been trying to regroup and return to my state of being. Not an easy task, I’ve discovered. The road of grief is a long, winding one that has a tendency to blindside you when you least expect it. Or at least, when I least expected it.

What this has taught me though is that health is more valuable than anything. Especially money. There are many ways to approach the topic of health and wellness, none of them are absolute. Time is one of the key healers, but so are sleep, sunshine, gazing in the never-never (distance) and laughter. Oh, and margaritas with girlfriends. Not to mention outrageous stories, cups of tea and hugs. On top of tests, days in hospital, and seeing every specialist under the sun.

And so we begin a new chapter, 2019

Wishing you a super fantastic end to another year. I’m looking forward to seeing what 2019 holds in store for us all.

Cheers to us and our fabulousness, thanks for joining me on this journey.

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If you’re looking for more posts from 2018 check them out here – or if you’d like to say hi or get more information about my coaching, training and workshops drop me a line – info (@) wayfairer.net

Reading about business, life and health

Reading about business, life,

entrepreneurship, and health

Whether reading for pleasure, to learn or just to get your head around what you’re doing at day to day level – there are a wealth of options. The following reading suggestions are based on my own experience, interests and bent for jargon-less information. I’m not sure about you, but I often go through phases of reading, where I’ll consume a book a week to swing to the extreme opposite end of the spectrum and be completely unable to finish a sentence.

This selection of reading material is, in my opinion, great as you can dip in and out chapter by chapter. Because let’s face it, not many of us have mastered the art of working 4 hours a week, successfully.

Getting started

Social Media for a New Age – Katie Brockhurst

Katie Brockhurst, also known as the Social Media Angel, is a consultant, coach and content creator and works with high profile and high vibe clients to rock their social media.

Katie’s work is a breath of fresh air, and if you’ve ever been exasperated when it comes to all the “shoulds” around using social media to get your message out there, you’re going to love her new book. 

 

The Four Hour Work Week – Tim Ferriss 

Reading this book started it all for me. A friend of mine gave it to me after he had finished reading it, and it changed my world. Tim Ferriss outlines his own business mistakes and creates an opportunity for fledgeling business start-ups and anyone who is in business to review whats working and how to improve the processes that are already in place. An oldie, but a very goodie.

Tools of Titans – Tim Ferriss

Tim Ferris has interviewed hundreds of incredibly successful people in different walks of life on his podcast. He has distilled these conversations into themes and it is remarkable how successful people have common themes which ripple across their lives. Tim has also personally tested them before listing them, so you know whether it is a diet or health routine or peak performance practice, it is repeatable in its success.

 

$100 Startup – Chris Guillebeau  

I first discovered Chris Guillebeau and the art of non-conformity about 15 years ago and became an avid fan. His books have been driven by a need to help people get started step-by-step, using non-business degree language.

In his own words, Chris says, because most books about business are too generic. The purpose of this book is to say, “OK, you’re ready to go for it? Great. Here’s how you actually do it.”

This isn’t a book about business, at least not as most people think about it. Instead, it’s a book about freedom. It’s for those who want to escape from corporate life, build something of their own to support their families, or just find a way to make more money.

Side Hustle – Chris Guillebeau

For some people, the thought of quitting their day job to pursue the entrepreneurial life is exhilarating.  For many others, it’s terrifying. After all, a stable job that delivers a regular paycheck is a blessing. And not everyone has the means or the desire to take on the risks and responsibilities of working for themselves.

But what if we could quickly and easily create an additional stream of income without giving up the security of a full-time job? Enter the side hustle. He offers a step-by-step guide that takes you from idea to income in just 27 days.

 

The Good Hustle – Dr Polly Mc Gee 

Small business and lean startup guru Dr Polly Mc Gee connects the basics of lean startup methodology with yoga. She advocates for businesses to be built on yoga principles, to help us lead a heart centred life.

A great resource for anyone who either practices yoga and wants to integrate it into their day to day life. Or for people who struggle with the hard sales, money-driven, FOMO pitches we are often faced with in business.

 

Start With Why – Simon Sinek    

Changing the focus from what to why has helped build better focused and more productive businesses. Reading Simon Sinek‘s book pushed me to rethink my motivations behind my own work. I had to really get comfortable with my why feeding into my what, and not vice versa.

Find Your Why – Simon Sinek

Find your why is the practical application to start with why. If you’re in the initial stages of start-up or losing your sparkle with your business this is a great place to regroup.

 

 

Get inspired by others’ journeys

 

Beyond the Label – Maureen Chicquet 

Maureen Chicquet outlines her very successful career and how she balanced it between her family and work commitments. With a degree in literature, she was not an immediate candidate for the corporate environment. However, she used her skills in listening to others and sheer bloody-mindedness to make her mark and carve out a very successful career. Super inspiring for anyone who has wondered what to do with their B. Arts.

 

Tribe of Mentors – Tim Ferriss   

Prolific business and life enjoyer, Tim Ferriss decided to write this book when he turned 40. A series of more than 100 interviews, Tim asked the same 11 questions to some of the world’s most successful people. To share their ideas around habits, learning, money, relationships, failure, success, and life. A great book to dip in and out as and when needed.

 

 

Finding Balance

 

Braving the Wilderness – Dr Brené Brown

Braving the wilderness was the first of Brené Brown‘s books that I’ve read. I was very familiar with her Ted Talks and often referenced her work when coaching, but this book. It was as though she’d written it about me.

Daring Greatly – Dr Brené Brown

Rising Strong is about recovering from failure, in order to not be held back by your past mistakes from trying again. In Daring Greatly, Brené outlined the value of being vulnerable, but it takes courage to do so and it entails risk. This book is about learning how to not shy away from that risk, stepping up and saying “Yes, let me try that again.” even after you’ve failed before.

Rising Strong – Dr Brené Brown

The process of rising strong is divided into three distinct phases, which, once you know the underlying principles of, you can recognize and move through again and again (and again) to get stronger with each of your failures.

The Gifts of Imperfection – Dr Brené Brown

The Gifts Of Imperfection shows you how to embrace your inner flaws to accept who you are, instead of constantly chasing the image of who you’re trying to be, purely because other people expect you to behave in certain ways. Living wholeheartedly is a process that never stops, it’s the opposite of a one-off choice. Courage, compassion, and connection are the gifts of imperfection. When you choose to be vulnerable with your shame, worry, guilt and imperfection, you allow yourself to experience connection and the gifts of imperfection.

 

Big Magic – Elizabeth Gilbert 

I like Elizabeth Gilbert, I enjoy her writing style and the way she presents her experiences, ideas and knowledge. After reading Big Magic it became my go-to gift for all my entrepreneurial and creative friends. Because the golden thread theme that runs through them all is – fear. Her letter to fear had me punching the air with excitement because quite frankly, fear has had too much power and influence over too many of us, for too long.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck – Mark Manson

It’s not often that I find myself reading a book that swears more than I do. So, if you’re offended by swearing, then don’t bother. Essentially Mark Manson zooms in on what caring and not caring looks like. He gives examples of what to do, when and why. His book is essentially a no BS self-help book for people who usually hate self-help.

 

The Art of Not Falling Apart – Christina Patterson 

This book should be recommended reading. An honest upfront look at life, its twists, turns and a series of insights into the lives of other people, who will more often than not have had tougher life experiences than your own. Christina Patterson navigates her way through a series of interviews that focus on life’s losses and failures. A stark contrast to her career as a journalist focusing on the highs and wins of the rich and famous. An honest look at life. With a strong reminder to ride the waves of unpredictability with a healthy dose of humour and a glass of something strong (to take the edge off those not so funny in the moment, moments).

 

Strength in Stillness – Bob Roth

About four years ago I started Transcendental Meditation (TM) as a regular practice. Partly as a result of a painful break-up but also because the concept of meditation always appealed but I hadn’t found one that “worked” for me. Bob Roth, a self-proclaimed sceptic and a man who had a very specific idea of what he would be doing when he ‘grew up’ was the last person to think he’d become the CEO of the David Lynch Foundation and spend his career teaching meditation. Medical experts agree that the epidemic of stress is damaging our physical and emotional health at younger and younger ages. While there is no one single cure, the Transcendental Meditation technique is a simple practice that dramatically changes how we respond to stress and life’s challenges.

 

The Little Book of Hygge – Meik Wiking 

To quote one of our greatest philosophers of all time, Winnie the Pooh, when asked how to spell a certain emotion he said “you don’t spell it, you feel it”. This just about sums up the Danish concept of Hygge. Meik Wiking, the author of this book and CEO of The Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen thinks one of the capabilities of his country’s citizens responsible for this high happiness standard is hygge. Hygge can best be described as our attitude or approach to happiness, alongside creating and cultivating an atmosphere for happiness. Meik Wiking outlines that hygge can be created anywhere, any time, its a mood, feeling, a sense of wellbeing.

 

 The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning – Margareta Magnusson

I was given this book after the death of my father, a well-meaning gesture. One that took me on an unexpected journey. Using the principles of clearing, decluttering and organising. Margareta Magnusson describes herself as between 80 and 100 takes the reader through the importance of Döstädning, literally, ‘death cleaning’ in Swedish. Essentially putting your life in order so your loved ones won’t have to. Quirky, but poignant look at death and its impact from dealing with secrets to sharing your heirlooms. Death clearing doesn’t have to be a sad experience and this practical guide proves just that.

 

And so the reading list is done, if you have anything to add or would like to find out more about the work I do contact me here – info (at) wayfairer.net

 

 

Download our free reading list here – if you want more information about our coaching and training services, please drop us an email – info (at) wayfairer.net or get in touch via social media here.

 

 

The stories we tell ourselves, and what you can do about them

the stories we tell ourselves

The stories we tell ourselves,

and what you can do about them

There are a few themes that are set on repeat in the Wayfairer HQ and one of them is about the stories we tell ourselves. Have you ever listened to the stories, the voices in your head tell you? Whether they’re self-doubts, you can’ts to hell yes’s and what ifs.

That voice or those voices have quite a strong influence over most of us. These stories can quite quickly and easily be mistaken for truths. They often have the power and capacity to incapacitate us, to swell that lump of fear and ring in the naysayers at the back of our minds.

Stories we tell are often not true

But it’s not all doom and gloom, because it at these junctions that growth and awareness can develop, unfold and can change the trajectory of the stories being developed or told in our heads.

No one other than you can hear this story. Which means no one other than you can change the tune, the tone, the content and make that story ring truer than its original shitty first draft. The shitty first draft that many accept as being the final polished and buffed piece that the world sees.

Dr Brené Brown talks of her internal dialogue as one that can either cripple her or fire her up to get on with her intention to keep showing up for the world. To continue writing, researching, presenting her ideas. Rewriting that story where she is the imposter and her story is full of doubt, fear, and vulnerability.

Sound familiar?

Recently I was talking with a friend about my ability to upsell, wax lyrical and prioritise my work for others and the work they do. However, when it comes to my own work, skill set, experience and abilities I am completely paralysed. By not only a very strong sense of fear and vulnerability (oh my goodness I don’t know everything, what if someone finds out!) But also imposter syndrome. Despite my training and educational background, over 15 years of experience and a university degree. I still seem to believe the story in my head. It reads like this – I’m not enough to do this work. I’ve not got enough experience. I have to get more qualifications. I need to work for other people, use their skills, experience, and business as a buffer to hide behind. To shield myself from being exposed as an imposter. These are huge excuses for not letting my own innate skills loose, and actually being brave enough to be successful. Which is contrary to the fear I tell myself of being afraid of failing. Which, I am not. Funnily enough.

“If we deny our stories, they own us,” says Brené Brown. “When we own our stories, we get to write the ending. When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away – they own us, then they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending – to rise strong, reckon with our story and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how this story ends.”

The shitty first draft (sfd)

When I first read about this in Brené Brown’s book, Rising Strong, it took a bit of digesting. Probably because my fears realised they were about to be caught out. The biggest question that came up was, Why would writing our stories be of any use? Eventually, it dawned on me that if our stories are out of our heads and in the real world positioned next to other items for scale and perspective we’d see what shitty stories they really are. How irrelevant they actually are in relation to not only the truth but also reality.

Fellow fear facer and author Elizabeth Gilbert wrote an exceptional letter to fear in her book Big Magic.

 

The stories fear tells us

 

The sfd

Not everyone is a storyteller, a writer or inclined to put their innermost thoughts on paper (or on a computer). I know there are days where I can’t even sit still long enough to write a sentence, so my suggestions are these. Take out the medium that you feel most at ease with communicating these stories.

  • writing, stories, poems, lyrics, emails, notes, permission slips
  • painting, drawing, sculpting, carving
  • photographs or videos
  • speak the stories through songs, a vlog, podcast, voice recording on your phone, conversation with another person

The SFD doesn’t need to be public, it just needs to be out of your head and exposed for what it really is. Bullshit.

I always say to my students. Ask the question. Get the clarification. Make the statement. You are not the only one in the room feeling that way. By raising your hand and putting yourself in a space of vulnerability I can guarantee that at least one other will feel the same. They will be moved to either support you and contribute to the story or write/speak their own version.

Like all good stories, they need space and time to be told. So carve out a niche of time and get those words or images out of your head. Start that shitty first draft and see it for what it is. Fear. Vulnerability. Self-doubt. Acknowledge it, take responsibility for it. But don’t believe it. Please, don’t believe it.

Reigning in the stories

Brené, who has interviewed artists, CEOs, parents, teachers and military leaders as part of her mission to uncover what it takes to lean into vulnerability in the name of being courageous, suggests a few key points in order to ‘rise strong’ in the face of a roadblock, stumble (or sinkhole).

1.    Acknowledge when you’re getting caught in emotion

The physiological signs of this can be different for everyone but may involve sweaty palms, tingly insides, dizziness, racing heart, rushing thoughts.

2.    Own your story 

Acknowledge your fears and worries to yourself and identify what they are, exactly. You will probably recognise that they’re somewhat exaggerated versions of the actual truth.

3.    Go searching for the truth

Take it gently, this might involve, confessing to the person your SFD is about or involving and saying something along the lines of ‘In my head, the story I’m telling myself is…’

4.    Create a new story

In most situations, it’s possible to identify what the real issue is. Overwhelm, stress, tiredness, PMS, and more are all contributors to the story. The rest? Pure confabulation.

5.    Challenge your themes

If you’re serious about getting up and out of the SFD vicious circle, review your SFDs and pull out the recurring themes that you’re concocting on a regular basis about situations in your life, about people, about circumstances. Acknowledge the underlying false beliefs that may be plaguing you.

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If you need more help or coaching please get in touch here or info(@)wayfairer.net

Framing stories.